Psalm 139:1-2

O Lord, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up, You discern my thoughts from afar!

God has inspected every single part of me. Every thought, every feeling, every action. He knows every one. He knows why I do the things I do, He knows the motives behind everything I say. He knows me far better than I know myself. Even when I am not in close communion with Him every day, or I have pushed Him away, He still hears everything I think and sees everything I do.

How wonderful that the God of everything, the Creator of the universe, loves us each enough to know us and see us!

Praise Him today, all the earth!

~Michaela

Psalm 139 {The Voices}

Recently,  I have been wrestling with myself over several issues that I thought I had already resolved. Namely, self-hatred and self-deprecation. I thought I had healed and was moving on with my life. But they creep up on me when I least expect it. Some days, their voices are dark, evil, and easily brushed away as anti-truth. One rips and tears away at my heart, snarling and growling. It rushes at me violently and knocks me off my feet, leaving me lying on the dirty ground wondering what in the world happened. The other slinks in the back door like intruders most always do. It slowly creeps through my heart, shutting off every light, one by one, leaving me in total darkness. But other days, they come smartly dressed, knocking at the door and patiently waiting for the door to open to them. They look like politeness itself, never seeming intrusive or assuming. Innocently, I welcome them into my heart, allowing them to gain my trust until I hang onto every word they say, naively believing it all. By the time their true nature is revealed, they have become a part of me, and I cannot separate myself from them. They become oppressive and I do not go a moment without their voices speaking to me in the back of my head. 

You are absolutely disgusting. Why are you even trying to look nice? It will never make any difference. You will always be hideous.

She isn't finding anything of worth in this friendship. She doesn't like you. You aren't worth her time.

Quit trying to be a good person. You will never succeed no matter what you do. Give up before you hurt more people.

And on and on they go. They never shut up, and I never stop believing them. They prevent me from doing the things I love, spending time with the people I love, and honoring the God I love. For years I have tried to fight the voices on my own. Sometimes I would be successful through convincing myself nothing was real, there is no reality, my self-esteem doesn't matter, I am just making the voices up, and a plethora of other ridiculous notions. Every once in a while I could go as long as a couple of weeks {almost} completely ignoring the voices. But in the end, they always came back, usually stronger than before. Only recently have I discovered an interesting pattern. Whenever I am in serious, concentrated prayer with my Creator, the voices are silent. I can still feel them at the edges of my mind, waiting for the moment I slip out of communion with Jesus Christ, but they say nothing. 

My conclusion: God is not only God over the universe, but also the voices in my head. The voices are very much real, and every day I become more convinced that they are the Enemy's messengers, sent to tear me down and pull me away from the One who loves me enough to die for me. When I surrender myself to God's supremacy, I am giving Him control over every part of me, including my demons. And I have learned that demons flee at the sight of God.

~Michaela

Rahab... the Loved

Once upon a time, in a big city named Jericho there lived a beautiful woman. She was very popular in Jericho, and wealthy as well. Her name was beautiful. Actually, you might be familiar with this woman. Maybe you heard her story in Sunday School a long time ago, or you might even have read her story. You see, this woman's name was Rahab. Rahab had one problem, however. There was more to Rahab's name, an ending you might say. An ending that no one seemed to ever forget. Ever. Even hundreds of years later when she is mentioned in the book of Hebrews, she is called Rahab the harlot, or prostitute.
Oh! you say. I've heard of her! Do you know Rahab's story? Her incredible, amazing story? Well, I'll give you a refresher just in case.
Way back in the sixth book of the Bible, Joshua, is where we first meet Rahab the harlot. Joshua, the leader of the Israelites after Moses' death, sent two spies into Jericho to get the lay of the land. You see, the Israelites had finally ended their sentence of forty years of wandering after their lack of faith at Jericho so many years before. Now, they were making their way to the Promised Land. Jericho was in the way, so Jericho had to go. Well, when the spies went into Jericho they happened upon the home of Rahab and decided to ask if they could spend the night in her house before going their own merry way in the morning. Unfortunately, someone had seen them come to her door. Late in the night a group of angry men knocked on her door. They demanded to see the men that had come to her home, the spies, they said. At this moment I can just imagine Rahab shrugging her shoulders and hugging herself tighter, appearing to be trying to keep out the cold desert night air, but really warring with herself. Betraying her people, or maybe finally receiving the answers to questions she's always asked from a God she's never known? When she made her decision, there was no changing her mind. The next thing she does is the craziest thing she had ever done. "They already left, you missed them. I didn't know who they were and I don't know where they went. If you hurry you might be able to catch up to them." With that, she closed her door and held her breath until she heard the men running towards the gate. She crept to her closet, her heart beating out of her chest. She opened the door and whispered "the Lord is God." Out crawled two brawny, sun-tanned men who looked like they would rather face a hundred Philistine soldiers than this one woman. "Follow me," she whispered. The men followed her to a pile of straw on top of her roof. They immediately began brushing the straw away so they could lie down underneath it. Rahab stopped them. Basically she said, "I know your God is a powerful God, and He is God over everything. I've heard of what he has done for your people. I know that your God will destroy this city, so please, I have helped you, please help me. Promise me that my family and I will be saved." The men swore on their lives that anyone that was in her house when they attacked would be safe. Then she let them out of her window with a rope. They told her to hang that same rope out her window when they came again so that everyone would know that her family was to be saved. Then the men left Rahab the harlot and returned to Joshua. -Joshua 2, slightly revised :)
Rahab acted in a truly courageous way. Because of her actions, the spies were able to report, so Israel could attack (or walk around the wall a lot... I have to think that when Rahab saw that all they were doing was walking around the wall she just face-palmed!) Because Israel attacked, they could proceed to the Promised Land where most of the Old Testament happened. There is one result of Rahab's actions that are greater than all of these others put together. Because Rahab trusted in a God she had never encountered, that same God rewarded her with one of the greatest honors possible. Look up Matthew 1:1-6 and read it carefully, very carefully. Shocked? Rahab the harlot, Rahab the prostitute, was the great-great grandmother of King David. What?! Rahab is in the lineage of Christ!! So when she fled Jericho, she married a good, righteous, Israelite man and had a son named Boaz who, if you remember your Old Testament stories, was the husband of Ruth.
Rahab had a huge impact on the world as we know it today and yet, she was still remembered as a harlot in the book of Hebrews. Have you ever felt that way? Like no matter what you do right, you will be remembered for what you did wrong. Another beautiful example of this principle is Jean Valjean from Les Miserables. Though he had improved the lives of hundreds through his hard work as mayor of a city, and had lived for years as an honest, upright man, when people found out he was an ex-con, they shunned him, persecuted him, and hated him. He had lived decades of his life doing everything right and still the world chose only to remember what he did wrong. The world does this to every single person to walk this earth. We do this to each other, we do this to ourselves. We label people and then we identify them by their label, not who they really are.
What label are you wearing right now? Which bags are you lugging around with you today? Do you want to get rid of them?
Jesus is a master label remover. When we come to Him, our bags get taken from us, our labels drop away. He gives us a new name. The world may not know this new name, but Jesus does. And He is all that matters.
Maybe one day God whispered to Rahab, "Rahab. I have a new name for you." Rahab sighs. She's heard them all. There can't possibly be a name she hasn't heard. "Rahab the loved. Rahab the redeemed. Rahab the saved. Rahab the righteous. Rahab the courageous. Rahab, My child. My beloved, beautiful, wonderful child whom I love. That's your new name Rahab. Loved." And from then on, Rahab no longer defined herself by what she had been or what she had done. That was all in the past. She stood in the knowledge that the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob had chosen her to help fulfill the prophecies of His Son. Jehovah chose her, who was not born as part of His chosen people, to be His. What the world said about her didn't matter any more.
Jesus longs to give you a new name. He aches for you to hide yourself in Him. For you to wear His label. Just ask Him and He will do the rest.
~Michaela

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

...

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

*****

Chances are, you read that first line, remembered the song as "In Christ Alone", a boring hymn you move your lips to while the praise team sings it in church every once in a while. Do me a favor and re-read those two first paragraphs all the way through, slowly, so that you understand what the words mean. 

Wow.

If we mean what we are singing when we sing this priceless hymn, that is a dangerous, incredible, breath-taking, faithful statement. 

In Christ ALONE my hope is found. Not in my relationship status, not in how many friends I have, not in my health, not in the state of my government, not on my salary or my GPA, not in the weather or my happiness. In Christ. My hope is only in Christ. So in times of drought and storms, I will be filled with hope. In the face of death, demons, and evil, my hope is in Jesus, and He alone holds my future. I will stand in Him no matter what. I will stand in His love and power no matter what comes against me. I will keep my eyes on Him, and I will live this life the way He wants me to, until He comes to me in the Glorious Appearing, or calls me quietly home. 

This is not something to be taken flippantly. This is the surrender of your life, of your desires, wishes, dreams, ambitions, comfort, and happiness. You are not your own.

But do you know what the incredible thing about this is? God planted desires in you for a reason, so that He can use them to further His agenda. He will take your dreams farther than you could ever imagine. When you sit back and give God the reigns, the ride will leave you speechless. In the end, it isn't a 'sacrifice' at all. It's a privilege and an adventure.

Here's a warning before you get started standing in Christ: handing Him the reigns is not an easy thing. He may call you to step out of your comfort zone. He will ask you to surrender your pride and your favorite sins, even the seemingly innocent ones. It will require you waking each and every morning and making a conscious decision to give your day to God. Our human nature loves control. Every chance it gets, your sinful nature will take back control. It will be a daily fight against yourself. But it's more than worth it.

Will you sit back and enjoy the ride?

In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song.

~Michaela

My Favorite Shoes

“Settling into a new country is like getting used to a new pair of shoes. At first they pinch a little, but you like the way they look, so you carry on. The longer you have them, the more comfortable they become. Until one day without realizing it you reach a glorious plateau. Wearing those shoes is like wearing no shoes at all. The more scuffed they get, the more you love them and the more you can't imagine life without them.” 
―Tahir Shah, In Arabian Nights

A country is like a pair of shoes. The longer you wear them the more comfortable they are. It doesn't matter if they are falling apart or full of holes. They are still your favorite shoes. Sometimes, when we become attached to something sentimentally, we fail to see the faults in that item. Even when someone attempts to point out  the numerous problems that keep surfacing in that situation or article, we want to deny it, and many times we do. 
Well, I tell you, it is time to recognize that our beloved America is falling apart. It is full of holes, covered in scuffs, and the sole is nearly gone. There's not much hope for a full repair. We may be able to wrap it in duct tape and get a few more years of wear out of them, but they won't last forever.
But this will never stop us from loving those shoes. I may not wear the shoes until the end of my days, but they will always be my favorite, no matter where I am.
~Michaela

He is Greater

I recently had the opportunity to travel to Honduras on a mission trip with Lifeline Christian Mission. This was my first international missions trip in what I hope will be a long line. Experiencing a different culture and different people really broadens one's perspective on life. We all know that there are millions of other people on this world and that they live differently than us, some more differently than others. I know that not all the world looks like the fields upon fields of corn and beans we have here in Ohio.  I think we know these things, but we don't understand them or realize them. Until we see them. I also saw how similar people are, no matter where they live or what culture they are in. Children run and play and laugh and smile no matter where you are. Adults work and talk and take delight in their children no matter where you are. Teenagers goof off and chat and do stupid things together no matter where you are.
But there is also heartache and pain no matter where you are. There are lonely people, people who feel like they are alone in this world. There are children who don't have loving hands to guide them no matter where you are. There are people who despair of life, who don't think they can get ahead. There are selfish people, evil people, and angry people. Everywhere.
Take hope! Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world! (1John 4:4) Satan is at work in this world, in Honduras, in America, in China, everywhere! He has been working since the beginning of the creation of people. But take hope! Jesus is greater than him! It doesn't matter where you are. Satan's demons are working, clawing away at the hope that is available for everyone. But you don't have to be afraid of he who is in the world. You don't have to lose hope that good will prevail. You don't have to doubt that he will be defeated. Because He who is in me, who is in you, is greater than he who is in the world. He is greater!
No matter where you go in this world, you will find Jesus. He is everywhere. You just have to look for Him. Because it may not be easy to see Him. Sometimes evil seems so prevalent that we can't believe that God is there. Sometimes we are feeling so overwhelmed that we can't see Him, but that doesn't change reality. He is there. No matter where 'there' is. He is there. And He is greater.
~Michaela

James 5:16

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
  
That is James 5:16.  There are a lot of ignored verses of the Bible, but I think this ranks pretty high up on "Most Avoided Verses of the Bible".  Christians everywhere ask, "Isn't it enough to ask forgiveness from God? Can't I just pray on my own? All the other Christians would hate me if they knew what I have done!!"  I personally struggle with this, and always have.  I do not like asking for prayer at all.  I hate to think I might be revealing weakness to someone else, and they'll think badly of me for it.  I've always been concerned about upholding the delusion that I am a strong person, physically and emotionally.  So, I do not show what I perceive to be "weakness".  And for the longest time, I saw asking another human being for any kind of assistance, particularly prayer, as incredibly weak.  And telling them why I needed prayer, why! impossible!!

Recently, God has been showing me that prayer is important to Him.  And to see His children help each other by praying for one another is priceless.  But He doesn't want a generalized prayer.  He wants the specifics.  The person praying for you needs to know what you are struggling with so they are able to specifically pray for your needs.  God can work without you praying or anyone else praying, but He prefers to be asked to work first.  

Prayer takes concentration, effort, and persistence.  When you are in the middle of a hard place, and you feel far from God, and the attacks on you from the devil are wearing you down, you can't pray.  It exhausting, there's too much distracting you, and you need help.  You need someone who knows what you are struggling with and can pray for you.  Then, when they are struggling, you get to return the favor.  The last sentence of James 5:16 is "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."  When you are in despair, you need power and effectiveness.  And you can't do it alone.

Practical application:  Meet with someone you trust every once in a while, say... monthly.  Make sure this person is someone you trust and who trusts you.  You don't want to tell your heart to someone who will gossip about it.  Be sure you don't tell anyone what the other person told you either.  Pray for each other.  You will both benefit from it.  

You will be healed

~Michaela